Jamie's blog

The Moth Man

Moths have always freaked DeWitte out a little bit. He was weird about them before the Moth Man movie..and since, large moths have turned into a small phobia. Not so bad that he can't go outside at night but bad enough he freaked out a little bit when I left the bathroom window open without a screen the other night. I woke up and thought it was cool that the bathroom was full of moths..him, not so much.

Last Saturday night, we were finishing up in the yard. DeWitte was sitting on the back porch as I was heading into the house. Seven week old, Mr. Fredrickson, the kitten, was laying in the basket of beach towels at the back door. He was on his back with his little sock like paws over his eyes, his little fat tummy exposed, looking so irresistibly cute, that if another human being didn't see it, the universe would surely explode. I called DeWitte over, I didn't have a choice. People would get mad at me if the universe exploded and I can't have everybody mad at me. I have to have Nathan's birthday party in a couple of weeks and I need people to come.

As he walked to the door, he was swatting something from around his head. It was a moth. All of the sudden, he freaks out in a big way "OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!". Since, normally, he's a calm person, I had to inquire, "What the hell's the matter with you?"  The moth...flew into his ear.

I know a little bit about a lot of things, but this, this was a new one. The only thing I know about bugs in ears is what I've learned off cartoons, movies and sci-fi shows and NONE of them ever end well. The first thing I did, as any other reasonable person would do when someone is freaking out because a bug flew in his ear (Not that I blame him, btw..I can't even imagine!), I grabbed the Visine and tried to flush it out. It was the only squirty thing I had. That just made DeWitte freak out more because he was sure I was gonna render him deaf for using the incorrect medication in the wrong orifice. Next, I went to Google. Google knew just what to do! I relayed the instructions to DeWitte, in the kitchen.

#1. Remain calm. Hmm..that's easy for Google to say. #2. Lay with your ear exposed towards a light source, so the insect will crawl out. *THUMP* is what I hear from the other room. I ran in to check, I was worried that the moth had actually worked it's way into DeWitte's brain rendering him paralyzed, like in the movies but no. DeWitte had merely been following the instructions to a T..so he fell to the floor like I'd told him to stop, drop and roll. Whew..ok, back to Google. #3. If that doesn't work, kill the insect with olive oil. Well, I only had a little bit left but I figured it was for a good cause, so I poured it in..Rachael Ray would have been proud. That worked..at least it stopped moving and buzzing.

Now..how to get it out? I couldn't see it. We'd have to make a trip to Patient First...and they close in 10 min. I drove like a bat out of hell while Nathan sat in the back seat trying to decide if he should get a professional opinion about that cut he got in the yard that day and DeWitte lamented about every horror story and Star Trek episode about aliens implanting insects into peoples ears and he sure hopes that doesn't happen to him.

We made it in the nick of time. The doctor was able to flush out the moth and assure Nathan that he was gonna live. DeWitte kept the moth, in a tissue, so that he'd have positive proof to show the world that yes, in fact, moths are out to get him. And it's personal.

Mother's Day Story

Yesterday, I bought a new sprinkler because I blow threw them faster Elizabeth Taylor does husbands. On the way out of the store, DeWitte told Nathan the following story...

"One time we bought my mom a sprinkler for Mothers Day. Dad and I hooked it up in the yard and we're sitting there watching it when mom drove off, came back and accidentally ran over it with the car!"

Me..."Your mom didn't accidentally run over it. She ironed your guys underpants, for goodness sake, and you got her a sprinkler for Mothers Day. She ran over that thing on purpose!"

DeWitte.."Huh..I guess we shouldn't have taken her to Shoney's (A low end Denny's) for dinner, either. That's when she finally exploded."

Me.."Yay, that probably done her in."

I'm happy to report I'm having no such Mothers Day. I got my age inappropriate card from Nathan (I LOVE his cards!) that reads.. "Happy Mother's Day to a mom who still looks GREAT! You'd think any woman who raised ME should look like HELL by now." Perfect. Even better than the dysfunctional family card I got last year.

Off to the botanical gardens..they're having a plant sale and we just got paid. Cha-ching.

Hope you all have a fantastic Mothers Day!

Some Dog

We were walking into PetSmart the other weekend, with Darla (I'd like to change her name, btw..but DeWitte took Mary Margaret with an added bonus codename, Princess Beautiful, for his cat. Both names are so incredibly fantastic, I've hit a mental road block when it comes to my dogs name.) to get her a halter that actually fits. She's kinda busty so the piece that ran between her front legs never quite fit right. On the way in, we ran into a family we know that was walking out. We stopped to talk for a min. when their 7 year old daughter remarked "I wish I could go back in there with you! They are just gonna fall. down. dead. when they see your dog! She's so BEAUTIFUL!!!" That caught me off guard.  If I had to describe my dog, beautiful wouldn't come to mind. She actually bears a striking resemblance to Master Splinter, the leader of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Here, see for yourself...

If Darla where giant, anthropomorphic and possessed cool ninja powers, they could be twins.

I wrote the remark off to the fact that the little girl is only 7 and that the unreal expectations of beauty in the form of Barbie or Cosmo magazine haven't gotten their talons into her yet..or she's just never seen Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Regardless, I told her thank you and we were on our way.

In the store, complete strangers kept coming over to peer into the cart, in which Darla was riding due to her scardyness, with such frenzy, trying to pet her, that if she'd have been a new born baby, I'd have called the cops.

Then, the next week, DeWitte and I had Darla out for a walk during lunch when some lady slammed on her brakes, pulled over to the side of the road and rolled down her window. I was afraid she was gonna yell at us, she stopped with such urgency..or mug us. But no, she said with incredible enthusiasm, "Oh My God! He is so sweet," (I might have made a mistake getting Darla a blue halter.) and I'm not talking about him!", pointing to DeWitte. Weird!

It did make me stop and think, though. What if my dog is amazing and I'm doing society in general an injustice by introducing Darla to the world slowly, due to the fact that she's afraid of things like butterflies, acorns and coffee tables. Did I need to wake up to find one of the resident spider writing "Terrific!" in it's web, above her bed, to make me see it?

This week, I was walking down the hall at Nathans school (That's were I live now), when I spied a group of preschoolers being walked to their speech class..and I approached and talked to them the exact same way people talk to my dog and it was all clear! My dogs not a gift to society, I've just been being approached by dog people. Since we've always been a cat, rabbit, chicken, fish family, dog people have never been on my radar. This might take some getting used to!

Ya know how you can tell you're getting old?

You watch New Years Rockin' Eve and the only person you recognize is Dick Clark.

Guess What?

Chicken butt!

If you would have told me, at any point in my life, that there would come a time when I brought a chicken into my house to wash and blow-dry her tush, I'd have looked at you like you had lobsters crawling out of your ears. Sure, I've washed a lot of chicken in my time, but never the live variety..and I've never blow-dried one, live or otherwise. Well, this afternoon, I did just that.

Poor Esther had made a mess of herself. If it were a chicken like Pearl, I'd have just waited until she cleaned herself up during one of the million and two dust (mud) baths she gives herself everyday. She's a pretty white chicken when she's all cleaned up but she prefers the bad girl biker look. Esther, however, is sort of like Miss Prissy on Foghorn Leghorn and I was sure she must have been horrified having other chickens looking at her in that condition. Kind of like when we went to DeWitte's snobby aunts house and she hadn't done the dishes yet so she wouldn't let us in the house.

So, this afternoon, I let the other girls out into their portable run and brought Miss Esther into the house. I put a warm wet rag on her nether regions, while Nathan held her and said "Gross!" a lot..I can't wait till he's a parent, that kid doesn't know from gross, and put her in a cage on the kitchen floor to give the gunk time to loosen up.  We enjoyed the interaction between Esther and the cat. Esther acted like the cat must have been a ferocious chicken eating tiger, even though she's now twice the size of the cat and would surely win in a head to head match. Don't tell her, though, she thinks she's dainty. We evenutally locked the cat in the bathroom because it seemed like she was starting to believe the ferocious chicken eating tiger hype.

After that, it was time to really get in there and clean her up. I was kind of worried..the last time we tried to give an animal a bath that doesn't usually receive baths with the warmest of welcomes, was Cleo. DeWitte put a leash on her and attached it to the faucet, so she couldn't jump out, and she ended up flying around the tub in mid air like a cartoon cat and we had to replace the shower curtain. Esther didn't seem to mind, though. Throughout her back-end bath she seemed to kind of purr. I thought the blow drier would be a fight, too. My chickens are so chicken that they're eremikophobic, which means that if you put new sand in their run, they think it's gonna eat their face off.  But, no, Esther just sat there and let me blow dry her like it was a five star feather salon. She even offered me a tip but I didn't take it, I just cleaned it up with a paper towel and washed my hands.

After she was dry, I took her back out and put her back with the other hens, who were all fighting over a three inch plot of mud. She just looked down her nose at them, turned around and shook her clean, fluffy butt.

Hey..what's on your Thanksgiving menu?

I'm done shopping and I think I covered all the basics but want to make sure I didn't forget something obvious. (I've been known to do that.)

Finally! Got an egg. YAY

It's so tiny..and green!

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RIP Cleo..

She's probably tripping Saint Peter down the stairs as we speak!

While it's sad, it's not surprising. She was 536 years old. Strangely enough, DeWitte and I were talking about it and neither one of us has ever had a cat die of old age before. That's probably because we always had indoor/outdoor cats growing up and they'd either get hit by a car or run away. They only let you dress them up in your doll clothes so many times before they feel the need to take up residence in a less humiliating household.

She was a mean old grouchy bat of a cat who attempted to murder me often but I'll miss her anyway. Now we've gotta tell Nathan. This isn't gonna be pretty. He's never known a life without Cleo and he's a major cat person so this is just gonna kill him. Too bad they don't let you take time off for the death of a pet...I'll have to wait until after homework and piano then maybe DeWitte and I can do it together.

Halloween 2009

So, around 5:30, I asked DeWitte where his fancy "see in the dark" video camera, that I bought him just for Halloween night, I might add, was so that I'd be ready. He said that the battery was dead and he didn't know where the charger was. He was too busy to stop to look for it and I looked where he thought it might be but no luck...so I used the Flip video camera instead. It does not see in the dark so I followed one of my Mom's from school through because her kids all have on glow necklaces. There's kind of a dead spot right in the middle, they were going down a dead end and I didn't follow and can't figure out how to edit that part out to save my life because I'm tech-savvy like that.  Anyway, so you can't see much but you can hear it.

Halloween 2009

It was the best year ever. 364 people came in about 2 1/2 hours. That's a hundred more than last year.

Counter

My neighbor kid painted this on the front because he's awesome like that!

Carnevil

The view from my bedroom window

All-Ready

Nathan (the clown) and my niece (the beast) heading out trick or treating. The other two kids were part of the crew.

The-Kids

Various rooms in the maze

I didn't have anyone to wear one of my new masks. I paid $50 for that thing, someone was gonna wear it so DeWitte wore it in the chain saw room. :)

DeWitte

My awesome inside the maze crew..I didn't get a picture of all the people that worked so hard outside

My--Crew

It was a very Happy Halloween!

A Halloween Miracle

It's true, I had my own Halloween Miracle occur this very morning and it happened right in my very own bedroom! (No worries..this is very rated G) For weeks I've been looking for my Jack mask (Latex prosthetic masks are really expensive or I wouldn't care). Somehow, I didn't put it away with the rest of the stuff last year. I'd known where it was..and I remember when I moved it, I just couldn't remember where I moved it to. We went through every box in the garage, the studio next to the garage and the apartment over the garage (DeWitte keeps a lot of boxes of stuff)..nothing. This morning, I woke up and saw Nathan's see-thru engine model box in the corner of my room..which got moved the same time my mask did..and sure enough, there it was! Now Nathan can wear a big boy mask this year after all! :D

Speaking of Nathan, he wanted to be my Spider Man..I thought he just wanted to be in the maze but no. He figured he'd get to keep all the left over silly string and if he was the Spider, he could conserve it and keep the rest for himself. "A little squirt for you, a little squirt for you, 35 cans of silly string for me!" I don't think so, Clark.

We've got a cool new thing we're trying this year. We're having a moving wall on one of the dead ends that can close after someone goes down that path. When they come back the way they came, it'll seem like they're stuck...and hopefully a little panicky.

Half a dozen Fire Fighters came down to our house last night and asked if they could go through the maze. I was kinda worried they'd be looking for fire code infractions but no, they just wanted to play. I turned all the effects back on and turned them loose. They had a ball running around scaring each other and getting lost. Afterward, they told me we should charge admission..which we can't do because then we would have to comply with the fire codes and that many extension cords can't be legal! I planned to ask for donations, though, to give to my PTA.

Hope everyone has a great Halloween!